I have invested far too many hours, this weekend, trying to sort out a communication mess.  A member of a volunteer board, on which I serve, has, effectively punched the rest of us in the head.

We probably deserve it.

There are sins of commission and sins of omission. Both forms are present on both sides of this particular communication mess.

The sin commtted is that of  working up a good sense of outrage, sending off the e-mail equivalent of a nuclear attack on the entire world, and sitting back to watch the explosion.

I confess.  In my younger, stupider days, I committed that very sin, myself, though on a smaller scale (and using cleaner, crisper, clearer language).  I loved being outraged and articulate about it. Later, I became a journalist, and was paid to commit that sin.

In the situation this group faces, today, it’s the sins of omission that are more disturbing.

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I’ve always believed I could learn from anyone. But a bird? Teaching me? About leadership communication?

In recent weeks, the skies around me have been filled with migrating Canada Geese. I’ve never been interested in these critters, unless I had to chase one off the bow of my little sailboat or scrape their droppings off my shoes after an evening walk.

But coasting along the highway, I had a chance to watch them in action as hundreds headed northward.

Geese travel in a distinctive V shape. One goose’s flapping wings create an uplift for the one that follows. Apparently, that arrangement allows the flock to travel 71 per cent further than one bird could travel on its own. For the geese, this is instinct at work, yet it’s as if each trusts the other geese as well as the V formation to get them to their destination. As leaders, we start a process where the group understands and agrees on the goal and the route to get there. When we emphasize the interrelatedness of individual contributions, people see where their work fits into the whole and where other people’s work supports them.

Geese take turns leading. This is amazing to watch. When the lead goose has had enough, it drops back and someone else takes over. Sharing leadership helps the group go further. Using individual strengths strengthens the whole team. Leading can be hard; give yourself a chance to recover.

Geese honk to encourage each other. This may be unconscious for geese,  sound modified by the speed of their flapping wings. But we can do it consciously. Honk! Think how marvellous it would be if all the honking we heard was encouraging. As leaders, when we practice supportive honking, we inspire others to do the same.

Geese merge their Vs without a fuss. It’s fascinating to watch a five-goose V join a larger group. From the ground, we can’t tell if they discuss leaping on board, but they just seem to forget that they’re they "new guys" and fall in. Could we use that as a model for avoiding the "them" and "us" feelings that accompany mergers, reorganizations, or even interdepartmental transfers?

Stray geese rejoin the flock quickly. If you watch one goose stray out of the formation, you’ll see it gradually work its way back to the flock. The extra effort required to go it alone isn’t worth it. Is there a lesson in this? "Conform or die?" I think not. As leaders, we can create environments where original thinkers and creative people are encouraged to move from the margins of our organizations and are included in our discussions. These are places where people express their authentic ideas, not just the ones they think we want to hear.

Geese stick by each other. If a goose is ill, injured, or shot, two others will leave the V formation and stay with it until it dies or is able to fly again. Then they catch up with another group. That’s why you’ll sometimes see two or three geese, in a cluster, flapping like mad.  When we provide genuine support to people when things are rough, we build connection and mutual commitment that lasts into the good times.

So now I’m wondering where we ever got the idea that geese are silly? Sounds pretty smart, to me. I also wonder if I’ll remember all this wonderful stuff the next time I’m scraping goose poop off my shoes. Honk! Honk! Honk!

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In the past few months (make that years) I’ve read everything I can on the topic of leadership. Several bifocal prescriptions later, I know qualify for guru status.

Ostensibly, I’m gathering information that can help my clients. And I’m doing research for my own book. But mostly, I’m hunting for the elusive key that will unlock the mysteries I face daily in being a leader myself.

As I stand before the great wall of leadership titles at my local Chapters store, I wonder if there is anything more to be said on the topic.

There are books that will show us how to lead from the back, the middle or the front. They’ll teach us how to lead like Jesus, Einstein, Colin Powell, Billy Graham, Attila the Hun, or even Harry Potter. Authors share their laws of leadership and secrets of success, which (oddly?) always appear in uneven numbers. Unless there are 10. Speaking of numbers, these titles tell us to run our business by the numbers – or not to take the numbers too seriously, depending on the author. Some of them wisely tell us not to take ourselves too seriously.

My reading has led me to the following conclusions:

• I lead from where I am. Back, middle, front, top, or bottom – it really doesn’t matter. Your location in the organizational hierarchy or political pecking order is unimportant. Lead from where you are, even if it’s the garage.
• I lead like myself. I’ll bet you noticed you’re not Einstein or Harry Potter. You have to find the leadership style that fits you. And you can. There is no secret formula. All those who dispense leadership advice, including me, can do no more than spark your imagination and point you in a direction for experimentation. Watch yourself in action. See what works. Change what doesn’t. Here’s where Einstein comes in. He’s the one who said doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity.
• There is one law of leadership: Treat people like people. Respect their humanity. Demonstrate empathy.  Acknowledge their contribution. If we treat people as "resources," just raw materials in the corporate success mix, they will know it. I used to work for an executive who barely knew who I was, let alone what I did. I felt I was indistinguishable from the photocopier and made weekly updates to my résumé. His successor asked my opinions, took my advice, shared his dreams, knew mine, and made me feel honoured to be part of his organization. For the first man, I worked hard. For the second, I worked well.
• There is a corollary to the one law: Show them you’re human, too. Acknowledge your own imperfections. I know a man whose motto is "Flaunt your quirks." That may be further than most of us are willing to go. But showing your own humanity is attractive. We’re working with smart people. They know we’re not perfect. Why pretend to have all the answers? A willingness to be vulnerable can be disarming.
  
• I lead myself before I lead others. The days when "Do as I say not as I do" was an effective leadership tactic ended before we were born. We don’t need to be perfect, yet we do need to be awake and aware of our behaviours and our interactions.
• Taking myself seriously will make me crazy and wreck my business. Seriously, we have to lighten up. Take your business seriously. Take your relationships seriously. Take the hockey playoffs seriously (if you must). But take yourself seriously and, next thing you know, you’re on the nasty path to self-absorption, listening to ego, and losing your focus.  Plus people will hide when they see you coming.

So what’s my point? Maybe what the business press calls "leadership" is really better described as "interpersonal effectiveness." Leadership is no longer about getting people to line up behind you, follow you up the hill like good soldiers, and obey your commands. Leadership today means aligning diverse people to work on common projects to meet individual needs that may or may not overlap. As individuals, interacting with and relating to other individuals, we determine the outcome.

Field work: Notice. In your interactions with people, observe your habits. Do you really see them as people? Do you let them see you that way?

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I had the good fortune this week to be interviewed for an article about how supervisors can communicate bad news.  As a manager, I’ve done a bit of this, and I’ve certainly been on the receiving end.  As a consultant, I’ve advised others communicating organizational changes that could be seen as bad news.  As a PR student, I’ve done cases and simulations where we’ve closed plants, dealt with explosions and industrial accidents, and fired the CEO.  But I did most of this before I learned about emotional intelligence.

In answering this reporter’s questions, I saw the situation through a filter of emotions.  As a result, I think recognizing and discussing the emotional component makes communicating less of an ordeal.

Bad news brings out emotions, your own and other people’s.  The feelings that emerge, sadness, fear, and anger, are the most uncomfortable of our emotional repertoire.  Generations of humans have not learned to deal well with these particular feelings.  As children, when they  show up, we’re urged by well-meaning adults to "cheer up," "be brave," and "calm down."  (One EQ trainer I’ve worked with likes to quote an old family saying, "Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!")  So we learn to suppress, change or hide these "bad" feelings, rather than understand them and use the information they contain.

Emotional hijack
But humans are emotional beings and we don’t stop being human when we get to work.  Like it or not, feelings are going to come up, sometimes in unexpected ways.  The thinking part of our brain (the neo-cortex) functions poorly when we’re in the grip of emotion.  The "fight or flight" portion of our brain (the amygdala) has control.  (Emotional intelligence theory labels this "emotional hijack.")

So when you’re delivering bad news to employees (or anyone else) you need to be sensitive to the emotions.  Logic, alone, won’t work.  People aren’t thinking clearly; their brains won’t let them.

Good grief!
When bad news hits, a person goes through a process that’s similar to the grieving process. The intensity will vary with the individual and the situation – "No bonus this year" is a lot less intense than "The plant is closing."  But a form of grieving takes place whenever there is change.  In her studies of grief, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross observed five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

As a manager communicating news that will mean a big change for your employees, you can expect them to experience these feelings and behaviours as they try to process the information andwork through their feelings.  Only after they work through the first four will they get to acceptance.

• Denial:  Employees believe the news isn’t true or won’t affect them.  Help them by providing information.
• Anger:  Employees feel wronged and may want to retaliate. Tears may signify the frustration of unexpressed anger, not sadness.  Help by listening and finding ways they can redirect their energy towards something useful.
• Bargaining:  Employees will try to make deals to prevent the unwanted event. Guard against encouraging false hopes.
• Depression:  If employees exhibit signs of depression, listen and empathize – and encourage them to take advantage of any counselling available.
• Acceptance:  It may take time for employees to reach this stage.  Help throughout the process by making yourself available to talk about the feelings and the facts of the situation.

Since most people are unaccustomed to discussing their feelings, especially at work, you’ll probably have to "go first" when it comes to sharing feelings.  Admit that you’re uncomfortable but you recognize that there are feelings associated with the news and they are as important as the facts.  Invite employees to talk about how they feel.  Chances are good that if you talk as one human to another, rather than defending the decision or just stating the facts, you’ll build trust as you move forward. 

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