Have you ever tried to win someone over with a clear, fact-based proposal only to have them become even more fixed in their current (in your view, misguided) position?
Earlier I wrote about the resistance to give up ideas being as difficult for us as giving up more tangible things we own.
A useful variation of this notion is examined in an essay called How Facts Backfire. by Joe Keohane in the Boston Globe. A key insight: “In reality, we often base our opinions on our beliefs, which can have an uneasy relationship with facts.”
The essay looks at the findings of political scientist Brendon Nyhan, who studied the puzzling behaviour of people who become more entrenched in their beliefs when confronted by contradictory facts. Unfortunately, this behaviour is as common in the workplace as it is in the political arena that Nyhan examined. Our default position in the “rational” business world is to make fact-based decisions based on clear evidence. When we propose change based on the facts of a given situation we’re often puzzled when met with “irrational” resistance.
“… we never understand a thing so well, and make it our own, when we learn it from another as when we have discovered it for ourselves.” – René Descartes
None of us likes being told what to do. Even if direction is given with the benefit of context and clear rationale, we tend to resist adopting new ideas and behaviour. Unless, of course, the idea is our own.
Ownership, it has been clearly demonstrated, brings along an increased sense of value. We consistently place a higher value on our possessions than others do. The typical spread between our asking price and bids for physical items such cars or houses reveal this tendency without fail. The same principle applies to ideas. They, too, are rarely valued equally by owners and others. Given the value we attach to them, letting go of our ideas generates a very real sense of loss – which is why we’re reluctant to abandon them.
This plays out in many ways each day in our personal and working lives. Recognizing this pattern will help when you’re trying to get people to do things differently. Rather than declaring “the way it must be,” supporting insight through focused conversation can effectively lead to ownership of ideas. This is much more likely to foster and motivate change. Choosing to own an idea both supports adopting new behavior and mitigates the “loss” of giving up on existing ideas.
Conversations often result in unexpected actions. Despite our belief that clear communication has happened it becomes clear that participants walked away with very different conclusions – and proceeded to act on them. The issue is typically one of common context – a key component in the It’s Understood communication model. Establishing common context is an important prerequisite to effective communication.
Abbot and Costello provide a classic (and hilarious) example of this type of miscommunication:
It’s important to remind ourselves that no two brains think alike. We need to establish common ground to ensure the content we discuss during our contact results in meaningful connection. Effective conversation requires conscious attention to each of these factors.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve read nearly a dozen books on leadership, communication and change as I prepare to lead two new workshops. My creative process seems to demand that I read up on the subject, just to make sure I haven’t missed some new and breathtaking idea that will render my current knowledge obsolete. Though I discovered nothing that will rearrange life as I know it, I did spot a pattern that seems to lead to success.
A few key behaviours seem to improve our communication as leaders, as change agents and as human beings.
As the last page of the calendar streaks by with alarming speed, let’s grab a few minutes to check the rear view mirror and invest some precious time to assess where we (and our organizations) have been. Noticing what we’ve achieved in the past 12 months is an excellent way to launch the plans we make for the new year.
With our eyes firmly fixed on where we’re headed, we often forget to celebrate or even notice what we’ve already accomplished. As a coach, I often ask clients to catch themselves doing something well and stop to savour the moment. I can, sometimes, forget to take my own advice.
Last week, I made time to do that, as I joined with a friend and fellow solopreneur to refine our business plans and set action priorities for 2008. Our first activity was to make a note of what we’d each achieved. At her suggestion, we also listed the names of people who had helped us get there.
Once upon a time, I was an over-committed community volunteer headed for burnout. Things were bad. I felt angry and resentful. Any joy I had ever found in giving my time to charitable organizations I admired was long gone.
I dropped all activities but one (my professional association) and learned how to put boundaries around my giving. And I wrote about my learning in an article called Yes, It’s OK To Say “No!” I regularly get requests from publishers and other coaches and consultants for permission to use it in their work.
Today, I had a reason to revisit the article. I received an e-mail from someone we’ll call “Lori,” who finds that the newsletter she’s producing for a volunteer organization is taking twice as long to do as she was led to expect. She was looking for advice. She wrote: “I’m inclined to keep my word and trudge on, but this last month’s issue took away from my family and job responsibilities. If I say no and stop doing the
newsletter, does this set a bad example for my kids, telling them it’s OK to quit after I’ve committed to something? ” It was this concern about what sort of lessons we teach through our behaviours that touched me the most.
Have you ever tried to win someone over with a clear, fact-based proposal only to have them become even more fixed in their current (in your view, misguided) position?
